I have an issue I’m sure a lot of you deal with. I am scared most of the time.
I’m scared I don’t really do my job correctly, I’m scared I’m going to be late, I’m scared I’m not up to par on social media, I’m scared of other people’s judgement on my performances, I’m scared I’m not doing enough in my life
I struggle between, “no you have to rest” and “no you have to work”, and when I decide on rest, my mind says “goodamn loser… you should be working right now”. So I rarely plan anything because I believe I don’t deserve it, and that I should be working instead of going out.
On the other hand I feel like I’m actually well ahead on a lot of things. I have a job I love that pays the bills, for which I am my own boss. The work I put in to actually bring money in does not take up a lot of time which frees me to do things like write articles, and generally create online content. It sounds great but it’s also very lonely, and I’m the only person I can blame in my life.
This means there is a thin line I have to walk on in my mind in order to manage to do anything meaningful.
The first thing that happens before I get anything done is I start by putting a lot of pressure on myself to do something, which I resist immediately. I make a whole lot of something that does not take much effort or time to do, and that activates my « procrastinator switch » ON.
The of course the pressure builds itself up and up and up until I can’t take it anymore… I decide that « this is bullshit, this is stupid, this means nothing, just do a shitty job and get it over with”. So I start by doing a very bad version, and right before I send it out to the world, I take a send and think “I’ll look at it tomorrow with a fresh mind”. Ad then I go over it again, realise it isn’t that bad, correct what I believe needs correction, and then put it out.It is never as good as I wish it was, but at least I did something.
This happens nearly systematically. I am getting better and better at tricking myself into working on things, and trying things out, but it all turns out to be much more difficult and time consuming than I believe at first. And then once I get a rhythm going it suddenly seems much easier. And what seemed to be mountain of work is just another habit I’ve developed, like this article right here.
This also happens when I have to meet new people, try for a Lifting Record, or have to start off with a new client. My expectation rise until my head can’t take how much pressure I’m putting on myself, and then the pressure goes right down to 0 as if a bubble just popped. This creates a lot of anxiety in my life as you can imagine. I’m lucky enough that I work out enough that I sleep like a log.
Fortunately, with time, and more meditational practise, the realisation that noting really matters is becoming faster ad faster, and the pressure and stress build up gets shorter ad shorter.
I manage to immediately talk myself into just “do the best you can” for certains things like Instagram Posts, or going into a session with a client. At the end of the day, all I can really do is the best I can, and if it’s not enough, then that’s not on me.
So if you lower your expectations to just doing something bad and then making it better with time, your life will be much easier. At least mine has been over the last few years. This system has allowed me to genuinely reduce my anxiety and my fear of producing things, or tackling new problems, when all I am doing is the best I can.
And this is the same when it comes to training. All you can do is the best you can, and then come back another day to try and do it better.
This idea first came to me and I wrote « No one cares”, but I now believe that “just do the best you can” is a more positive way of seeing things .